Operation Name Change: Mission Accomplished
“You are being served with documents…”
In a previous article (published six days ago at the time of writing), I discussed the process and ramifications of changing my name to one that suits my identity as a transgender woman. In my heart, I realized what I was doing, yet when I received an envelope from the county court, I was confused. No court and postal service in the United States could conceivably operate as quickly as a few days. I opened the envelope and saw the words:
You are being served with documents…
Oh, boy…my heart started racing. I was, of course, being sued by some party previously unknown whom I had offended in a casual, yet deadly, interaction that stuck in the party’s craw like undigested corn while escaping my feeble attention. Paranoia washed over me like the rising tide over a toddler, knocking me down, filling my mouth with sand, and making me cry for my apathetic mother.
But it turned out my name change had been granted.
(Look, just because you are paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get you.)
Trust the Process
I was not afraid that the petition for a legal name change would be denied. At the same time, I was not completely ready for this news. Perhaps one would think filling out paperwork, being frisked for weapons at the county court, standing in line to file, taking an oath in front of…well…the court clerk, and paying $88 of hard-earned money would bring home what I was doing.
Perhaps one would be wrong.
I expected to have at least two weeks before my petition was considered. The judge would want to take some time, think this over, determine the quality of the name and the person to whom it was being related. Maybe the judge would defer a decision — this is a big decision, not to be taken lightly. Sometime after the Thanksgiving holiday, the judge would return from vacation — refreshed and a few pounds heavier — ready to weigh in on a decision that would affect the rest of my life.
Anyway, the day after I filed the petition, the judge checked the appropriate three boxes with a blue pen, signed on the dotted line, and moved on to important affairs, the piddling matter of a name change forgotten. I find myself scrambling slightly. Now — as they say — the game is on. As part of assimilating my new, legal name into my identity, I am announcing it publicly and formally to the entire community of Medium.
What Really Is in a Name?
Maybe I delude myself into thinking that Medium cares about the process that informed choosing a name. Maybe I just have time on my hands. But the process of choosing a name is important. To be clear, I was able to choose a name that suits me, not just to accept what my parents thought I should be named. I am taking steps to create the identity implied by the composite of physical structure, thoughts and emotions, and the expression of all within the society around me, quickened by the consciousness I believe is outside the material world and eternal.
For the record, Medium, my new name is:
Amethysta Selina Herrick
Amethysta
All right, so this name probably comes as no surprise. I’ve used it on Medium for more than a month and outside Medium for more than a year. It comes from my long love for the color purple. The gem amethyst (as Wikipedia so unpoetically puts it) is a “violet variety of quartz.” Chemically, the violet color is caused by substitution of iron into the silica crystalline matrix. The etymology of the word is from the Greek amethystos, or “not intoxicated.” Traditionally, amethyst has been used to prevent drunkenness as well as for spiritual protection. Amethyst is the birthstone for the month of February as well as the Zodiacal sign Pisces. I am a Pisces, and the gem’s symbolism works for me.
Selina
Although I quite enjoy “Only Murders in the Building,” this name is not about Selena Gomez (as cute as a button as she may be). The name Selina comes from the Batman character Catwoman, whose full name is Selina Kyle.
I found Catwoman in the early 1990s, as I was beginning to figure out truly who I am and what influenced me. The limited run story “Her Sister’s Keeper” detailed Selina’s rough childhood and her struggle to survive. My childhood was certainly not as difficult as Selina’s, yet her story resonated with me. Selina was forced into crime in order to survive, and she had compassion — attempting to help when she could. When Catwoman got her solo series — replete with gorgeous purple catsuit and long, black hair — I realized what I wanted to look like. In 1994, I dyed my long hair black, in part to look like the comic book.
As a graduate student, I dressed up as a woman frequently. I was courageous enough to go out to bars, to dance, and to participate in drag shows. At the time, I symbolized my strength in femininity by naming myself Selina. (Regarding that stunning outfit I discussed previously, only Selina could have pulled that off. I certainly could not have!)
Herrick
After the beauty of the first two names, Herrick is rather mundane. It is my family name, unchanged. Although I could have changed it (Lampshade and Ethylmethylchickenwire come to mind), I decided to retain the surname my mother and father bequeathed me. I want, first of all, to remain connected to my immediate family: my wife and son, both of whom use Herrick. On a deeper level, and as I wrote a week ago, I must accept the person who came before to ensure I do not lose the lessons learned from the life that came before. Herrick was almost always met with snickers when I was in junior high and high school (play around with it; you’ll find some way to mock it). Nonetheless, it will remain my tie to the past. I will not lose R — .
Put It All Together, They Spell ASH
When I was much younger — as early as 8 to 12 years old, I believe — I had another identity. She spoke inside my head, telling me things would be all right, singing songs to soothe me. Her name was Rebecca. I had initially decided that I would choose the name Rebecca as a middle name.
Rebecca (and know I love you, Rebecca — this is no indictment) was not strong. She was stable. Rebecca was not outgoing. She was contemplative. I wondered if these were qualities that continue to define me today. Rebecca as a middle name did not feel exactly right.
When I considered using Selina instead, a lucky coincidence occurred to me. The initials for Amethysta Selina Herrick spell ASH, which is also my son’s name.
As I worked through my gender identity early this year, I told my psychologist that I felt badly for my son, who would lose a father if I transitioned. She told me the best gift I could give my son was to be the person I am, to live authentically, and to teach him to do the same regardless of society’s pressure.
My initials will stand in homage to my son: to show my love for him, and to inspire him to be who he is — not to hide himself, as I did for so long.
What’s Next?
I changed my Social Security record yesterday. I will mail an amendment to my birth certificate this week. Now I must practice many things. I need to find a new signature. I need to find my feminine look, with clothes, makeup, and jewelry. In short, now that I have legally become Amethysta in name, I must become who I have always been in spirit! I am honored to share this with Medium!
