The Quest to Make Transgender Normal

My last article posed the theory in which gender acts as a mediator between our origin of identity and our social environment. Each of us possesses a deeply-seated set of truths, motivations, and desires that must find expression within the confines of socio-environmental factors. Gender, then, is the negotiation between our origin of identity and society, and the result is our individual implementation of presentation, behavior, and cognition.

When negotiation is successful, we integrate into society seamlessly. When negotiation is less successful, we experience gender dysphoria and social discomfort.

But not all social discomfort is experienced by the individual. Social norms exist as a guide for membership in the society; exceeding the limits of norms may result in being ostracized or — worse — being legally regulated.

My theory abstracts the development of gender from its root and its result on purpose. Current theories focus on one or the other — origin or implementation — and all can be disproved simply by observing humanity and its abundant outliers.

A complete gender theory must be able to explain any origin and any implementation, in the context of any social environment. The solution is to consider gender a vital part of the human experience.

In other words, the solution is to make gender — and transgender — normal.

The gag of normal

Early in 2023, I created a slogan — “Making Transgender Normal Since 2022!” Since then, I’ve told my story as an example of living a normal, transgender life, doing normal things such as going to school, getting married, and having a family.

However, I intended the slogan as a joke on several levels. If legislation around transgender health care and daily life is any indication, being transgender is certainly not perceived as “normal” in Western society. Further, I reject labeling as “normal” that which is only “common and frequent.”

But the deeper level of the joke is that even “common and frequent” depends on the social environment being observed. I perceive two paths by which transgender may be integrated into society’s understanding.

The first path is to show transgender people are valid and valuable members of society. To do so means showing our lives, our struggles, and our accomplishments, then allowing others to evaluate our contributions and realize what value we bring.

The second path is to affect the standards of evaluation such that no story is left out. At that level, the discussion is no longer ongoing — the standards of evaluation become part of social norms, and transgender is viewed similarly to any other human experience realized over the course of human history.

Defining common and frequent

My work today is not to ask that transgender people be viewed as valid and valuable members of society, but to demonstrate that our experience — the entire transgender experience — differs from the cisgender experience only in magnitude, not in kind. That is, transgender is not different from other, common human experiences, even if the experience is not frequent.

This path — admittedly — must be played as a long game. Affecting the weave of social fabric is difficult, but it achieves the goal completely.

“Normal” is socially contextual — what was normal 200 years ago is freakish today. What is normal in Western society is offensive to other cultures. But every persistent society defines a standard of evaluation for its members: why members should be included in the society. To prove transgender people fit into the category is to finish the job.

Every social circle — from Christians to Pagans, staunch conservatives to bleeding-heart liberals, cis/het crusaders to the Pinkest Transgender Haze — must engage in negotiation with the remainder of society. If nothing else, negotiation occurs to establish the standards of evaluation for membership, which establishes why a circle exists — what gives it its identity.

An example of the process is in order.

The difficulty of being Christian

For a person to commit to Christianity, a clear choice is laid out — accept Jesus as the Savior. Each Christian makes the choice to accept Jesus as Lord, to bring the Christian Trinity into their daily lives as part of their identity.

The commitment is renewed regularly in the face of early history in which Christians were persecuted, even killed for entertainment by Romans. Christian holidays serve as reminders of their bleak past: the day Jesus was born, the penance Jesus endured to assert himself as Son of God, the day Jesus conquered death to lead them all from lives of confusion and pain to realize eternity in Heaven despite the opposition.

Christians understand their choice as the burning need to make sense of life by evaluating the world, their lives, and their salvation — and choosing Jesus and life. The choice to accept Jesus becomes a cornerstone of each Christian’s identity.

When asked for proof of their ideals, Christians proudly display their faith. They may not understand their God, but they know their choice is right. With faith, Christians may stand up to anything.

For some Christians, making the choice is simple, even obvious in its daily execution. For other Christians, the choice is a constant struggle: always to rely upon faith, always to turn the other cheek, and always to love their neighbors as themselves.

Maintaining a Christian identity is a constant negotiation with the world around them to navigate a path of moral certainty. It must be exhausting.

The burden of being transgender

In my own story, a clear choice was laid out — to accept myself as I truly am. I made the choice to accept Amethysta as truth, to bring her into my daily life as I express my identity.

I must renew my commitment regularly in the face of a society that finds me distasteful as best, worthy of death at worst. My holidays serve as reminders of my bleak past: the day I began hormone therapy, the day my legal name change was granted, the day I emerged from a life of confusion and pain to realize who I am despite the opposition.

Transgender people understand our choice as the burning need to make sense of life by evaluating the world, our lives, and our salvation in the face of horrific suicide statistics — and choosing to honor our deep knowledge of ourselves and our lives. The choice to accept our transgender becomes a cornerstone of our identity.

When harangued for proof of our gender, we proudly describe what we know deep down is true. We may not understand the origin of our gender, but we know our choice was right. As Amethysta, I can stand up to anything.

For some transgender people, making the choice is simple, even obvious in its daily execution. For other transgender people, the choice becomes a constant struggle: always to remain faithful to our identity, always to turn the other cheek as we are misgendered or deadnamed innocently, always to love our neighbors as they malign us as ourselves.

Being transgender and honoring our identity is a constant negotiation with the world around us to navigate a path that leads to life, not death. It is exhausting.

We’re not so different, are we — Christians and transgender people?

Aligning the poles

My theory of gender as mediator between the origin of identity and the social environment makes developing and living gender a focal point of humanity’s existence. Identity and gender are the primary struggle to become part of a greater whole, to express our truths while remaining valued by our peers.

Every human experiences friction with the social environment. It is how we learn to become the people we are. Whether our deeply-seated truths lead us to Christianity or to gender transition, we know those truths to be self-evident. We betray them at the cost of our own identity — and ultimately our lives.

Identity — and the more obvious, outwardly expressed gender — are vital experiences in human social development. Everybody must go through it, and everybody must fail multiple times in the process.

The struggle is difficult. It is constant. It is who we are.

It is — dare I say it? — normal.