Trans Thoughts: What Does Choosing Hope Over Hopelessness Mean to You?

I am not here to argue, but rather I hope to share ideas of what choosing hope means to us! I especially want to know what choosing hope means to other people of transgender experience. So, I will begin with my thoughts.

It seems easy to spiral downwards right now, especially as a relatively young-in-experience transgender woman. I live in Ohio, another state that seems to be in a race to demonize transgender people and promote the weird idea that there is a transgender ideology. There are also new laws locally and abroad being created that restrict things like bathroom access, forced outings in schools, censorship of written material, all of which can promote the frequency of hate crimes. This makes life very difficult for someone like me, who travels frequently as part of my job.

Still, I am persevering, and I notice several things on a daily basis.

1. People I encounter day to day treat me like a person. Maybe they are thinking something negative, or perhaps they are afraid of me. Even so, they treat me like everyone else, and I treat them with respect and politeness too. We always end on a friendly note no matter how the conversation begins.
2. Do I feel uncomfortable in my dress, my expression, or my body? No, I don’t! I feel happy and comfortable in public, even though my secondary biological sex characteristics are changes. I step into the world with confidence even though I am obviously not a cisgender woman. I interact with new people daily, even though my voice and elements of my appearance don’t fully match their expectations of me.
3. I have people in my life who know me, love me, and support me. Are our relationships perfect? No, of course not! Do some of them mess up and misgender me occasionally? Yes, of course they do! Do they mean anything hurtful by it? I believe they don’t, and they confirm it to me every day! 💕
4. I have two wonderful children, now grown adults, and am looking forward to becoming a grandparent in a few months!

In fact, my list of positives goes on and on. So, I choose to focus on those things because they give me hope.

This alone is not enough hope for me. For me, choosing hope takes something more.

Choosing hope requires some action to make a difference. While I do believe contradicting other people’s illusions of transphobia by my simple act of being seen and existing does make a difference, that alone is not enough.

I also need to do actively do something, whatever I can, to help others. I especially need to help others in the LGBTQ community who do not feel safe. I need to help those who do not have the bare necessities to live. I need to do my small part to build community. I do this through volunteering to organizations I believe already have an infrastructure in place to make a difference. I donate to these organizations too. And I also am doing what I can to keep some local support groups and discord servers active and available as a source of community.

This may not be much, but it is what I can do right now, despite the hate mongering of the Nancy Mace’s of the world.

So, to me, choosing hope over hopelessness requires:

1. Acknowledging that there are things in the world that suck. I do stay informed about current events and remain ready to support any positive actions that can make a difference. I am not living in denial.
2. I focus much of my day on the positive things in my life.
3. I focus my efforts on the things in my control that make a difference, no matter how small.
4. I choose to care about others.
5. I choose to think the best about others.
6. I don’t believe anyone’s hate is really for me or you. Their hate is the fear they live with, looking for something to blame. Let’s not be that something. Let’s be the balm that turns the hate away together!

What does choosing hope look like to you? Your answer need not be the same as mine. What drives you, and helps you feel in control of your destiny may be very different from what works for me. I think whatever that is, is also important. None of us make that much of a difference alone. We also don’t make a difference by being identical. Our very differences working together are what makes us strong!

~Saoirse